dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize