Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he puts the penis in happiness.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize