I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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