What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
