i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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