My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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