so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
