"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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