I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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