allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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