mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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