New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
