And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
why do cheetos always look like penises
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
