around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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