I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
