eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
