well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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