Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
