I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
