thus making me awesome and them whores
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
