What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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