he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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