I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
