I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
