I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I don't deserve a penis
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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