I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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