4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
This is classic penis vs brain.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
