hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
