I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
