I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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