Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Someone shattered a urinal.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
that may or may not have been my penis.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
