we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
