I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
