I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
