Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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