Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
