I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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