Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
