you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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