I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
