My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
