I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
