This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I did not marry a roomba.
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