Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
