we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
