you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
