so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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