Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
