we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
