1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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