what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
