Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
