Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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