She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
