im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
