So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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