i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
