HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
