Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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