Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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