I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
