As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
