omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I got her a Nickelback box set.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
