i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
