why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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