My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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