dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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