We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
