its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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