You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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