I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
