I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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