You made me cry and you don't even care
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
