I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
