Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
