Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
