wakey wakey hands off snakey
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
