At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So vagazzling was a success
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