Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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