dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
