he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
